I’m okay. I’m here.

[Timestamp: 04/18/2017]

Before I go to bed and get a few hours of sleep before 6am, I just want to share this here. I don’t really believe in things like these (even though I check my horoscope regularly for the fun of it haha), but this hit me so hard.

This makes me so happy, to be honest.

I have two stories to tell.

I’ve mentioned both in my introductory post and About page how I want to shift into FLCD. To be honest, this decision has been met with a lot of pressure and disappointment. My parents would pressure me to hurry and graduate quickly. My father is pretty judgemental. I think he’d even tag FLCD as an “easy” course. I am not entirely sure of my career path in medicine anymore, and I don’t know if that disappoints them. They wanted me to be a doctor. Friends and new acquaintances would ask, “Why now?”. I understand how peculiar it is to shift out when you’re only one year away from graduation.

With all of these things pressing me, I’m slowly losing confidence in the decision I made. Granted, I was happier when I stepped my foot down and finally admitted to myself that I needed to get out of my current degree, but to have only a pseudo-support by the ones you deem important is saddening. But, I’m still pushing through.

That’s why this last tarot card made me happy.

It reassured me that I wasn’t ridiculous for finally taking a decision that will make me happy in the long run. It reassured me that I had a right to pursue my dreams. It reassured me that I was a human being, capable of making mistakes but also of wonderful successes.

Second story.

I’ve modeled for a classmate before. After the shoot, we talked for about an hour about our aspirations and career choices and I had explained to her why I wanted to go into FLCD rather than Elementary Education. I didn’t know it would make such a huge impact on her, and I was so touched when she said my story had inspired her. It made me really happy to be reassured that I wasn’t ridiculous for pursuing this dream.

I was okay. I am okay. I’m here. I’m real. It’s very valid that I’m finally able to be true to myself and r7n after what I really want.