I’m okay. I’m here.

[Timestamp: 04/18/2017]

Before I go to bed and get a few hours of sleep before 6am, I just want to share this here. I don’t really believe in things like these (even though I check my horoscope regularly for the fun of it haha), but this hit me so hard.

This makes me so happy, to be honest.

I have two stories to tell.

I’ve mentioned both in my introductory post and About page how I want to shift into FLCD. To be honest, this decision has been met with a lot of pressure and disappointment. My parents would pressure me to hurry and graduate quickly. My father is pretty judgemental. I think he’d even tag FLCD as an “easy” course. I am not entirely sure of my career path in medicine anymore, and I don’t know if that disappoints them. They wanted me to be a doctor. Friends and new acquaintances would ask, “Why now?”. I understand how peculiar it is to shift out when you’re only one year away from graduation.

With all of these things pressing me, I’m slowly losing confidence in the decision I made. Granted, I was happier when I stepped my foot down and finally admitted to myself that I needed to get out of my current degree, but to have only a pseudo-support by the ones you deem important is saddening. But, I’m still pushing through.

That’s why this last tarot card made me happy.

It reassured me that I wasn’t ridiculous for finally taking a decision that will make me happy in the long run. It reassured me that I had a right to pursue my dreams. It reassured me that I was a human being, capable of making mistakes but also of wonderful successes.

Second story.

I’ve modeled for a classmate before. After the shoot, we talked for about an hour about our aspirations and career choices and I had explained to her why I wanted to go into FLCD rather than Elementary Education. I didn’t know it would make such a huge impact on her, and I was so touched when she said my story had inspired her. It made me really happy to be reassured that I wasn’t ridiculous for pursuing this dream.

I was okay. I am okay. I’m here. I’m real. It’s very valid that I’m finally able to be true to myself and r7n after what I really want.

dreams

[Timestamp: 01/14/2017]
Did you know
That you have infiltrated
My safe haven, my space
My dreams?

Did you know
How much we’ve done 
How much we’ve sacrificed
How much we’ve spent
Just to be in each other’s arms
In a land which does not exist?

Did you know
The dread of the waters
The toxicity of the last night
The inevitable fate
Of two imaginary characters
In the reality of life?

Did you know
That I told myself
I won’t hope anymore
Over things which cannot be done
Cannot be said
Cannot be felt
Cannot be real?