Being Afraid

[Timestamp: 03/16/2017]

I am afraid. 

I am always afraid. Wtf. I keep on going on and on about how I can’t conceive, how I’m afraid of adopting and maybe finally conceiving and not giving the appropriate amount of affection to both children, how I’m afraid of choosing that one guy and committing, how I’m afraid that anyone would like me because of my stature, how I’m afraid of my vague future and how I’ll consider success, and how I’m afraid of venturing into the unknown.

When did I become so afraid of life?

My motto was, you just need to lose your mind a bit and take the step off the cliff. When did that stop?

Why am I so afraid of hurting now?

What changed? Did my failures make me afraid?

How do I get out of this cycle?