내 바보

[Timestamp: 01/01/2017]

It didn’t come to me all at once
It didn’t get me completely off guard
I knew it was creeping
Inside my heart,
Slowly, hiding
Because you were the wrong person.
It didn’t feel right
To be looking into your eyes
When I’ve promised to love another.

I could imagine
The late nights with you,
Talking about how the stars contain mass we cannot comprehend,
Or how beautiful words sound, trying to describe what the eyes can only see for a fleeting moment,
Or maybe the way you’ll let me hear
The melodies you’ve made
To bring tribute to the world
That crafted us, with its careless and rough hands
Or maybe the warmth of our bodies offer to each other, a silent union,
In the middle of the night
While we confess all ours sins and anxieties
To each other,
Our fears of tomorrow and oblivion,
And reassure our co-existence, even if
Short-lived and uneventful.
Or, maybe the texts when you’ve gone far away
And my meager hands cannot reach you,
Playful bickering, hot, sticky tension, and pictures of each other,
The unspoken “I miss you” evident, even from afar,
Affectionately changing your name to “내 바보” and laughing
At the irony of your intelligence and stupidity
But feeling delighted at being the only one
Who can call you such.

I go back to the reality
Of what could be
And clench my heart in my fist
Because I cannot call you mine,
And you cannot call me yours.
We are separated
Not only by miles,
But also by worlds.
I cannot reach you,
I cannot touch you,
I cannot even say, “I love you”
내 바보한테.

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