News and Life Updates?

[timestamp: 07/13/2017]

Good morning! It’s currently 8am where I am. It’s a good morning. so, if you’ve read my About section in the past (I’ll be updating it later), it says that I am an aspiring BS FLCD student. That’s because I made this blog earlier in the year. When June came, I fixed my papers and applied for the program. I took the exam and had my interview as well. And, guess what?
YOUR GIRL IS NOW AN FLCD MAJOR! YES YES YES!
I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to have been accepted into the program. When I first heard of it, I actually was too stunned to believe it. I had great confidence in my exam and interview, so I really believed I was going to get in.

Despite the negative reception to my change of degree, God has given me a sign that He supports me in this endeavour. I actually feel like this is the path He wanted me to take in the first place. 

Secondly, I’ve started tutoring as a part-time job last June. My primary purpose is to gain experience for my future practicum and job as an FLCD major. They observe and teach kids, so I have to up for doing just that. I have zero confidence in teaching due to a traumatic experience before, but I’ve been slowly regaining it ever since I started. The money helps for fangirl needs and future travels, too. All in all, it’s a win-win situation. I just have to get used to long hours and sleeping almost right after arriving back at my apartment. XD. 
Life is good so far. We’re ( me and my friends) going to buy tickets for Seventeen’s Diamond Edge concert on Tuesday (Concert is in October), so wish us luck!

Closure

[‚Äčtimestamp: 03/01/2017]


I dreamt of you last night.

It wasn’t the usual dream

Of fleeting touches 

And hands on my hair.

Instead, it was the image

Of two people who once had been

Finally cleaning and filling in

The muddy gaps on the ground.

This was what I wanted from you

From the very start.

I didn’t want you to stay.

I wanted you to say

That the inevitanle winter has come

And that my hands aren’t enough anymore

To keep you warm.

To have woken up from such a dream

Made me happy and thankful

That you had been mine once.

Even if the puzzle was finished

Only in my dream,

I will hold onto it

To keep myself from wondering

What else might have been.

Goodbye, my four-eyed soldier

It’s been six years since

I am so glad to have met you.

Finally, 

Goodbye.

I’m okay. I’m here.

[Timestamp: 04/18/2017]

Before I go to bed and get a few hours of sleep before 6am, I just want to share this here. I don’t really believe in things like these (even though I check my horoscope regularly for the fun of it haha), but this hit me so hard.

This makes me so happy, to be honest.

I have two stories to tell.

I’ve mentioned both in my introductory post and About page how I want to shift into FLCD. To be honest, this decision has been met with a lot of pressure and disappointment. My parents would pressure me to hurry and graduate quickly. My father is pretty judgemental. I think he’d even tag FLCD as an “easy” course. I am not entirely sure of my career path in medicine anymore, and I don’t know if that disappoints them. They wanted me to be a doctor. Friends and new acquaintances would ask, “Why now?”. I understand how peculiar it is to shift out when you’re only one year away from graduation.

With all of these things pressing me, I’m slowly losing confidence in the decision I made. Granted, I was happier when I stepped my foot down and finally admitted to myself that I needed to get out of my current degree, but to have only a pseudo-support by the ones you deem important is saddening. But, I’m still pushing through.

That’s why this last tarot card made me happy.

It reassured me that I wasn’t ridiculous for finally taking a decision that will make me happy in the long run. It reassured me that I had a right to pursue my dreams. It reassured me that I was a human being, capable of making mistakes but also of wonderful successes.

Second story.

I’ve modeled for a classmate before. After the shoot, we talked for about an hour about our aspirations and career choices and I had explained to her why I wanted to go into FLCD rather than Elementary Education. I didn’t know it would make such a huge impact on her, and I was so touched when she said my story had inspired her. It made me really happy to be reassured that I wasn’t ridiculous for pursuing this dream.

I was okay. I am okay. I’m here. I’m real. It’s very valid that I’m finally able to be true to myself and r7n after what I really want.

to my 04.16 star

[a tribute to the Sewol ferry tragedy. It’s been three years.]

[Timestamp: 04/16/2017]


It’s been so long since we met
How are you now?
Are you smiling?
Are you taking care of yourself?
Are you keeping yourself warm?
Never knew ‘3’ could mean something so inevitably long.

Don’t worry, love
I’m okay here
I’m taking care of the others
We’re trying our best to go and make it seem
As if you never really left us.
He came back to bring you luck again,
And she was careful with wherever she went,
They know how thankful you were for their guidance,
We’re trying our best to be fine
Without ever forgetting you.

Don’t worry, love
I’ll pocket all the dreams and letters
You’ve left scattered in your trail to the stars,
I’ll give them a home inside this aging body of mine
And give them back when we meet again.
I’ll keep your image and words close to my heart
Because I don’t want to forget.
I want to remember you when we meet again
Without a single wrinkle forgotten.
I’ll protect the warmth you left
To get us through this cold winter,
I’ll use it as a cloak to adorn our frail bodies
Until you come back and bring us more.

Don’t worry too much, love
And keep traveling to reach the things
Even we couldn’t reach.
And, when you find a home again
In the midst of the chaos the universe brings,
Maybe a small spot in Saturn or on the top of meteor,
Hurry back and take us with you
So that you may never have to travel again alone.
Let’s walk the galaxies together, love.
Until then,
We’ll wait for you.
I love you, my beloved.
See you again.

vows

Promises to keep for the person I cherish the most

[Timestamp: 04/04/2017 and 04/13/2017]
Twenty years ago, I’ve become acquainted 
With one of the most beautiful
People I’ve ever known.
I didn’t fall in love with you at first sight, though.
It was a process, a slow build-up of being acquaintances,
Then friends,
Then enemies, 
And, finally, lovers. 
Twenty years ago, I did not know I would fall in love.
We were normal strangers, the type who won’t talk to each other
If it weren’t for the circumstances we were in.
You were my polar opposite,
The Yin to my Yang.
You were the rock in the storm,
The calm in a dark room,
The construction of an award-winning essay.
I was the sunshine of messy desks,
The colors of your organized notes,
That one stuffed toy you couldn’t throw away.
To have met you,
And even have fallen in love with you
Was a miracle in itself.
But, I’m glad it happened.
Today, I vow
Even without the physicality of doe eyes to witness
Even without the tongues of praise to testify,
To value you like how I value myself,
To love you as I had loved myself,
To give you an equal who will do everything to keep you happy.
Don’t misinterpret my words, though.
I will not lay my life down for you,
I will not surrender my career and achievements to you,
I will not make you the center of my universe.
Instead, I promise
To keep you in my thoughts regularly,
To pay attention to what you need,
To treat you as a person very capable of anything even without my help,
To give you reign over your own decisions in life,
To give you strength when you need,
To admire the person you’ve become,
To support you in whatever you want to pursue,
To become your travel buddy,
To be your family,
To not be your foundation, but your decorations that continuously give attention to the beauty of who you really are.
I promise you everything I can give, myself,
To the best of my abilities,
And always remind you that
To have loved one’s self first is better than to have loved another.
You are my family, my friend, my adviser, my organizer, my manager,
And most of all,
You are me. 
I love you, and will continue to learn to love you more
Until we both tire of our adventures here
And take it to a higher plane.
I love you, my lovely self
I promise you that I shall be here
Even until the end of our days 
I love you,
I love you,
I love me.

Being Afraid

[Timestamp: 03/16/2017]

I am afraid. 


I am always afraid. Wtf. I keep on going on and on about how I can’t conceive, how I’m afraid of adopting and maybe finally conceiving and not giving the appropriate amount of affection to both children, how I’m afraid of choosing that one guy and committing, how I’m afraid that anyone would like me because of my stature, how I’m afraid of my vague future and how I’ll consider success, and how I’m afraid of venturing into the unknown.


When did I become so afraid of life?


My motto was, you just need to lose your mind a bit and take the step off the cliff. When did that stop?


Why am I so afraid of hurting now?


What changed? Did my failures make me afraid?


How do I get out of this cycle?

Welcome to the Estate! [Obligatory Introductory Post]

A more in-depth explanation of the Estate.

[Timestamp: 04/11/2017]

Hey, so I figured I needed to do an introductory post since I just started this blog two days ago. I got too excited at the idea of this blog housing my writing to actually write this required post.
If you look at my About page, it pretty much sums up the very existence of this blog and how I’ve tried to make it seem as if this blog is my home. I do want it to be my home, and I didn’t want it to be just any blog. On my header is a photo I took when I was in Japan (I forgot the place, but it serves my purpose) to give the reader a feeling of entering some sort of grand place. I’ve modified my menus to become “wings” of the Estate and cater to the different things I want to put in this blog (The Master’s Wing = personals, etc.). I’m putting time stamps in every post because it would be nice to remember when exactly I wrote something and at what period in life I was when I wrote it. 

I’m trying to be creative for any future readers or friends and for me as well. I virtually have the attention span of a goldfish, but I want to make this project work. After all, I’m putting myself out there to improve not only on my writing, but also my growth as a person. 

Right. Onto personals. 

I’m Erris, currently a 19-year-old undergraduate looking to shift into Family Life and Child Development in the University of the Philippines-Diliman. I wouldn’t normally be okay with giving too much personal info, but if it means getting ahead of who I am right now, I’ll take the plunge. I don’t want to expose everything about me here since you’ll be getting to read more about me and my works soon

It was nice talking to you, albeit not personally.